This topic within our mind development series addresses how to accept the choice of others. “It is what it is”. This is my favourite expression when I remember it Lol. Choose your fights wisely. There are some things we have zero control over. Do not create angst for yourself by non acceptance of something you cannot change! Be mindful of areas in your life where you are banging your head against a brick wall perhaps trying to change someone that cannot or will not change. Even a child once it has learnt the basics of speech will try to exert its own power/will by saying “no” when he or she does not wish to go along with adult guidance at that time. An adult will have much more entrenched ways of thinking or doing things, sometimes they are simply pig headed. In these circumstances you keep the peace and your own sanity by simply accepting that this person does not want your assistance. On a basic level level, we ought to allow a person, teen or adult to be comfortable just where they are. We are evolutionary beings who are adapting and changing or evolving as our we see fit. It happens automatically without external nudging. So long as we are not being harmful to ourselves or anyone else there is a beauty in freedom of expression and freedom of action. As creative beings and unique individuals we will all experience this beauty where there is not a feeling that our expression is being judged or controlled. There is nothing wrong with assistance where asked for, or where an offer of advice has been accepted. The more controlling types will find it difficult to accept and will resort to manipulative manouevering. Very often this backfires as for the most part people know or can sense when they are being manipulated and will most definately resent this form of action. The ends do not justify the means, unless YOU are the manipulator who believes his ways are superior to his “subjects”. There is a certain arrogance I hope you would detect in this attitude or scenarioAlthough you may not agree with the life decisions of someone else close to you or not, their decisions are just as valid as your own. It is what it is, move on with your life and allow others to find their own path.


In extreme cases where manipulative control is a big part of one’s personality type. Acceptance of another individual for who he or she is, is simply seen as irrelevant! We are most likely dealing with a narcissistic person.  They will view themselves as knowing what is best for you. And they may or may not be right. A narcissist will often “employ” others to play certain roles to assist him in achieving his manipulative aims. Unfortunately due to his charm many people will go along for the ride not realising that they are being used or perhaps they do but they are simply weak individuals. The narcissist and his helper will be trying to get you to behave or think in a certain way. The way he or she feels is right for you of course. This makes the narcissist, particularly one in the workplace a “dangerous” individual, even more so when they occupy positions of authority. These people are not usually fun to be around for the long term as their true colours shine through eventually. They generally cause a lot of grief particularly if you are not one of their “tools” or you are viewed as a threat. Though you do not want to be the enemy of the narcissist, you would not want one on your friend list. Accept that this is a personality type you want to avoid.


At the end of the day we each have our own individual path or destiny that we alone must travel. Can we be sure that we are not diverting someone from their true destiny by manipulative actions or actions that suggest that we do not accept a decision or life style another has taken. Have our likes and dislikes, prejudices even ignorance tainted the advice we have proffered as wisdom? With all the good intentions in the world, our best advice based on personal experience, is still not necessarily the best advice for another individual. Yes it can be offered, but after that our job is done. After that, it is then down to the individual to assess what is best for him. I remember being torn between going for a job interview on the last date available or going on a pre-booked non refundable holiday. I discussed this with my family and came to the conclusion that the interview would be the most sensible thing to do since I had been out of work for a few a months. My inner voice however was screaming at me to just go on the holiday. In the end I went to the interview for a job which i did not get and lost out on the holiday too! Had I listened to my own instincts and followed my own plan I would have enjoyed the holiday rather than losing on both counts! A simple example of where the best advice is not necessarily the right advice for you! And also why you cannot necesssarily judge the actions of someone else even with all the evidence you may have that suggests they are doing the wrong thing. Sometimes we just need to accept things with a sprinkling of faith will work out in the end.


For the best resources on mind development these are here best books about mindfulness

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Peace and love

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