As a person recovering from narcissistic abuse, I can share my experience on how to break free emotionally. I have made no attempt to make the narcissist in my portrayal look like anything but mal – adjusted, sick people. I am talking about the worst kind, whose actions are destructive to those they target. I am refering to the malignant narcissist. I will include sources for your deeper appreciation on the subject as I am not a psychiatrist. However, once you have understood how these people operate and how and why you possibility have remained a “victim”, the plan going forward is to build yourself up with self love, positivity and the things which fulfill you! Avoiding them like the plague.
How The Narcissist Operates
The narcissist relishes his ability to control the emotions, thought process and actions of his victims. He very often enlists the assistance of “flying monkeys” or enablers to assist him in achieving his goal in manipulating and controlling you. This manipulation largely has to do with controlling how you see yourself. Generally the ideal victim will have a good dose of insecurities which the narcissist can use to exploit and as I said control and manipulate. I liken them to Dracula the living dead. They have no qualms about seeing you hurt, they have no empathy for you or anyone else. They feign any emotions of love and caring. They feed off narcissisistic supply ie your reactions towards them. If you feel pain as a result of their actions, they feel empowered. If you are angered at their actions or words, they feel empowered. They love the attention you give them, whether that is adoration, love, respect or hate, fear, loathing. Your attention reminds the narcissist that he exists! An effective manipulator and controller relies on your trust, belief and respect in them. This sounds crazy given that they are not showing you love and respect.
Let’s take a look at the key components of the average victim( one that can be exploited)
●☆ Most likely an empath
●☆ Loving and trusting
Other Characteristics That may Make You A victim
●☆ They may have great aspirations
●☆ Well liked and popular
●☆ Talented in career or other skill
Because most people in bracket A are trusting, it’s likely that the narcissist intent will not be clear for a very long time. This is because the narcissist have no qualms about lying, cheating or enlisting the help of others (who innocently believe in his “good character”)
A Crazy Example Of Narcissistic Abuse
I read about a narcissistic husband with a wife insecure because of her weight gain who would berate her for some tiny imperfection, whilst making sure there was ice cream on hand that she would resort to, to make herself feel better. This way he ensured that her self esteem regarding her weight stayed low and he stayed in control of her. After all “who else wanted a fat wife”. She in turn felt grateful to have his “loyalty”.
How To Deal With A Narcissist
Earlier I compared the Narcissist to Dracula, the living dead. In the film, in order for Dracula to take control of his impending target he first needed to be invited in through the front door. The narcissist, in order to have any form of control over us needs our explicit consent! He relies on OUR BELIEF and trust in his worth, importance and value. [Except he has no worth or importance or value in our lives] He needs us to believe and maintain the following character traits about ourselves. These are that we are:-
● Not emotionally independent
● Lacking in self love
● Self loathing
● Have something wrong with us
Therefore to break free from emotional bondage, the answer is to provide self love. We need to love our selves warts and all. We need to love ourselves “even” when or if:-
● we make mistakes
● we do not know how to do something
● we fail at something
● we have “sinned” in our past
● we are overweight
● we do not like the way our ears are shaped
● you fill in the gaps
Satan himself or the narcissist will use any of the above to make you feel you are undeserving of love or respect. The narcissist will love to make you feel bad about yourself because you are “guilty” of something. If you feel badly about yourself over what you have done or what you look like, you expose yourself to the narcissistic grip or hold on your life.
The narcissist is great at INVITING us to feel badly about ourselves. Read inviting as opening the door to Count Dracula himself. A true friend or person with any decency will not be exploiting your weaknesses. A person with any decency will not be dwelling on your failures, mistakes, etc years after the event took place. Only an obsessive narcissist does this.
When Narcissists Enlist Flying Monkeys
As stated earlier these are enablers “employed” by the narcissist to bully, manipulate and control you. This leaves the narcissist with his hands clean. They would have been conditioned to believe that there is something wrong with you. Therefore like sheep they will act in unison to harass or bully or intimidate or shame you. These are weak minded individuals specifically chosen for this reason. They are not worth the dust under your feet.
The same principle applies here too. It is psychological warfare. In order for their antics to be successful you have to believe the “shit” they are secreting.
Know that Normal people with healthy self esteem do not engage in the sabotage of another human being. These people are no better than you. Do not believe for a moment that what they have is better. This is a pretence on their part. It is an illusion to make you feel unworthy. It is a trick to make you believe you are “less than” or that you lack something. It is the same INVITATION for you to open the door of your mind (opening the door to Count Dracula, the living dead) and let in self hatred, self criticism, and make you see yourself as less than your perpetrators.
Do not accept that invitation from Count Dracula!
Instead, Embrace your humanity, understand that you have your own flaws BUT most of all Love yourself unconditionally. One final thing to remember in the healing process, is that the reason the narcissist never seems to want to let go is because you have what they want. [The ability to love, grow and live a happy normal life] The ultimate goal of the Narcissist is to destroy whatever beauty you possess. If you never believed you had something of value, or beauty of some kind then know it Now. This is why when you move on they want to unleash revenge. They are full of envy and hatred. In order for the narcissist to let go and move on, they would first need to be able to self reflect. To recognize the worst aspects of themselves. This is something they cannot face. And therefore they will always be broken. They will always be in pain. This is their karma.
Our solution is to move on with self love and confidence, peace.