Lately I have come to terms with the fact that I have been way too judgmental both of myself and of others and to be honest this has been going on for years and yet, I have never really been cognizant of the fact. Better late than never!
Today I was marvelling at how my friend seemingly finds it so easy to cope with two children plus an elderly disabled parent. She just takes it in her stride and always with a smile on her face. I told her I wish I were “where you are at”. But the truth of the matter is this. … It’s ok to feel shitty, is ok to feel overwhelmed when life throws you a curve ball. It’s ok to throw a temporary tantrum and get upset. We are all human right?
It’s ok to feel what you feel, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. We are unique individuals with completely different strengths and weakness. So who am I to compare myself with my friend. That is like comparing apples with pears! They are both fruit but they are entirely different. And so it is with being an individual human being. There is no need for comparisons ever! And yet every now and then we fall into this silly trap of thinking we are less than or inadequate because we feel pressured either externally or by pressuring ourselves.
Some things are just not within our makeup so I refuse to be condemned or criticised or judged because of it. For instance, I find it incredibly difficult to keep the house tidy at all times with a physically dependant parent. I have come to terms with this, however someone visiting may not be especially forgiving. Now the best way to deal with this would NOT be to bow down to pressure and stress myself unnecessarily. Allow someone to criticise if they must…. without the judgements of another getting on the inside of you.
I refuse to adopt the standards of someone else and instead create and Express my own personal standards. Likewise I cannot enforce my standards or thought patterns on someone else. It goes both ways.
So when I say “it is what it is”, I am really saying accept your feelings, accept yourself the way you are and accept and allow others to be who they are. This is the highest form of love, when you can love another despite any perceived flaws.
In fact, I will share with you a secret. When someone is critical towards you, that very same person is self critical and self judgemental lol I should know!
Remember when you first fell in love, the flaws of the other were so irrelevant and minor, you loved them anyway, you were not picking at the things they were less than perfect at. You loved them anyway.
How wonderful if we could overlook the imperfections of each other instead of trying to pick at and trying to amend the personality of another. Remember they were not meant to be born as you, you were!
Each one of us is a single piece of a giant jigsaw that together makes a whole piece. We are who we were meant to be just as we are. Now if we choose to change an aspect of ourselves, this is fine. But let us not be critical and hard on ourselves as we endeavour to evolve. Be gentle and loving to yourself AND each other as you were in that first loving relationship when you were absolutely besotted and would never say anything to hurt their feelings(in fact you didn’t care that they were not perfect, you delighted in their imperfections and teased them because of their flaws in the most loving way)